October 10, 2021

3 Self-Soothing Realizations About Growing Up In A Broken Home

Do you cry in the shower too?

I just did an hour ago. And it wasn’t because of a boy or a breakup or a bad day at work. My sad eureka is this:

I’m 22 years old yet I’m still not over my parents’ separation.

I stayed with my Dad for a month and a half, and I just got back to my Mom’s hometown. What was weird is that I felt homesick when I was with him, and still I felt homesick even now that I’m at my Mom’s house.

So I decided to write to encourage myself (and someone who might be in the same place as I am).

1. I’m not responsible for other people’s feelings.

I tend to worry too much about my parents’ feelings. Are they lonely when my brother and I are away? Are they hurting from the fallout? Are they happy where they are now? But I have to remember that they are adults who made a decision. I can’t keep imagining their heartache and making it my own.

2. Writing is cheap therapy.

I was planning to crawl under the sheets and call it a day. But knowing that would just make me feel worse tomorrow, I tried to turn my pain into this piece that you’re reading. I swear I feel so much better.

3. Parents are humans too.

I can play the blame game. But I won’t. I choose to come from a place of love for my parents’ younger selves who were only doing the best that they can. Though it still stings, I’ll strive to learn how to love them as unique individuals, not as a couple. To accept them for who they were and love them for who they wanna be.

Originally published for #ship30for30 last June

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